"PLANS? GOD LAUGHS AT PLANS."

And God laughs at this blog. And by “this” blog, I mean “delbloggolo” itself. Not THIS blog… although I like to think he does. After all, what could be more important for God to do than to sit down at his iMac (God is definitely a Mac guy) and read a blog about another blog? This is truly the right way for God to be spending his time.

He could be saving lives, stopping wars, ending the global recession, or making sure that Notre Dame beats up on some heathen, non-religious-affiliated University… but no, God wants – and needs – to be plugged into what is going on with Del Bloggolo.

And let me tell you something – it’s not pretty…

“…having a nice breakfast at the local diner, then thirdly, shopping for a t-bone for my lunch! I would get some pepperoni and provolone, put a few beers on ice and tune to the Jets game.”

There are so many things wrong with this statement I don’t know where to begin. A diner breakfast? A T-Bone? Pepperoni and provolone?!” Sure, we at sonofdelbloggolo love delbloggolo’s food references, but this is downright scary. I can feel my cholesterol going up as I type this.

But it’s not the food that worries me the most. It’s not even the beers. It’s the JETS! Why would someone subject his already shaky heart to that sorry outfit. Yours truly is also, unfortunately, a JETS fan, but at least I’m smart enough to watch the game with antacids and a defibrillator nearby. You would think, at his advanced age, DelBloggolo would have learned by now, but no, he continues to subject himself to the weekly carnival-like punishment inflicted by watching the JETS.

Alright, now let’s move from the literal meat to the figurative meat of this post…

TLW (The Little Woman): ‘Lois and I are going to Pearl S. Buck’s home on a ‘Get Up And Go’ tour.”

Now, if you’re like me – and most of America – you have no idea who the eff Pearl S. Buck is/was. At first, I thought it might have been Pearl, the tart-tongued maid with a heart of gold from Diff’rent Strokes. Now, that’s a house I’d like to go to. I bet it would be very clean and filled with sass.





But nope. It turns out Pearl S. Buck was a pulitzer-prize winning author who spent most of her life in China. She is, however, known for the following: “In 1949, outraged that existing adoption services considered Asian and mixed-race children unadoptable, Pearl established Welcome House, Inc., the first international, interracial adoption agency.”

At first I thought, “Yawn.” Then, it dawned on me. Arnold and Willis Jackson were interracial adoptions! I wonder if Phillip Drummond got them at the “Welcome House!” Talk about art imitating life! I so love it when life gets tied together in a pleasant, little bow. Maybe the Welcome House will hire Gary Coleman and Todd Bridges as Docents. Then I’d definitely go.

But I digress.






“Just the two of us, we will be taking the bus to Pennsylvania, I didn’t think you’d want to come.”

Riiiiiiiight. Let me translate what TLW (The Little Woman) really meant: “Just the two of us (we can make it if we try), we will be taking the bus to Pennsylvania (as far away from you as possible). I didn’t think you’d want to come. (We really don’t want you to come. Maybe if I say this fast enough I will trick you into believing you don’t want to come. Because we don’t want you there. Because we don’t want to read about it on delbloggolo the next day.)

In fact, I’m going so far as to say they weren’t even planning to go to Pearl S. Buck’s house in the first place. That was just a cleverly – and boringly – designed ruse to throw DelBloggolo’s prodigious nose off the scent. My guess is that Lois and TLW (The Little Woman) were actually catching the first bus to Atlantic City to play craps.

“Pretending to look disappointed, I immediately started to make plans in my mind, on how I would spend my Sunday.”

Now this is where he goes into his “dream menu” for the day. A menu that Jimmy Pants rightfully pointed out, probably would have killed him.

But alas, the best laid plans of mice and DelBloggolos often go astray – and you can thank Lois, or “Toots II”, for this one. By calling in sick on Saturday night, my Mom’s plans were dashed and my Dad would not be able to partake in his red-meat fueled party.

So, for that, I say thank you, Lois (Toots II). I’m sorry you had to get sick to do it, but you saved Del Bloggolo’s life and in turn, kept his blog up and running. And for this we are all eternally grateful. Now, I will go rent Seasons 1-3 of Diff’rent Strokes on NetFlix.

ORIGINALITY: 3 CANNOLIS! (He writes often of these Get-up-and-Go tours. It's not that I don't like them, it's just that it's well-trod territory.)

SENTIMENTALITY: 0 CANNOLIS! (Only 1 mention of TLW and he didn't call her his "girlfriend" once!)

NOSTALGIA: 0 CANNOLIS! (Nothing. Not even old stories about how bad the Jets have always been. Disappointing.)

FOOD REFERENCES: 5 CANNOLIS! (My goodness! I'm full from all the mentions of pepperoni, T-Bones and provolone.

OVERALL: 3 CANNOLIS! This is pretty par for the Del Bloggolo course. Although it did remind me of "Diff'rent Strokes", so it can't be that bad. Arrivederci!